Mother
It's been 8 years since we said good bye to you. We tried to go to your favorite restaurant like I do every year but the wait was 45 minutes(at 6 o'clock!) and that just wasn't happening with a two year old and a 6 week old! I did get a dozen of your favorite biscuits though. :) I hate that you are missing the most wonderful grandchildren you could ever ask for. I refuse to make this a sad post so I am going to end it here. I miss you...
Sophie
Today would have been Sophie's 4th birthday. Where does the time go? I swear it was just yesterday that I was in the hospital in labor. I wa
s staring at the realization that this precious child that I had carried for over 8 months was not going to come home with me. The child that I had grown to love and know as my first born miracle was not going to look at me with needy eyes. The kind of eyes that only a newborn baby could give their mama. The one that says 'I trust that you will take care of me, protect me and love me all the days of my life.' Well sweet angel in heaven, I have done my best to protect your memory and who you would have been to the world. I am finally coming to grips with the fact that you were never meant to be here on earth for very long. You had a greater purpose than to be here. You were sent here to serve as a reminder of how much children should be loved and cherished. You were sent t
o me to prepare my heart for loving your brother and your sister. I think that only being able to love you from within my heart has allowed me really see what kind of mother I wanted to be. It is the greatest job I could ever have. I know that you are with me even if you aren't here with me a
nd finally, finally....finally, I am okay with it. I don't question any more the plan that God had or has for me. I can't say it doesn't hurt anymore but I have peace now and that is something I never thought I would say. I find myself looking at a 4 year old and wondering what things we would be doing or experiencing if you were here. Your sister and brother are such a gift and I know in my heart that you had something to do with how special they are. I love that Landry gives you kisses every night after bath and how she knows who you are...even on a two year old level. I love that when we pass a cemetery(any cemetery) she immedi
ately points and says 'Sophie in there'. I miss you in such a different way now. I miss who I never knew and the life we would have had together. I am so happy that you made me a mommy first. Watch over us and keep us safe. There is not a a day that goes by that I don't think long and lovingly about you. You taught me so many things about myself. I am grateful and blessed. Here are some pictures of our Dessert Before Dinner party I have in your honor, sweet one. I miss you beyond words.
COHEN update - 10 lbs & 4 weeks~
I decided to go have Cohen weighed yesterday to see how much he had gained since his two week appointment and that little bugger is right at 10lbs! His face is filling out and he is really starting to lose his newbie look. :( It happens so fast. Babies go from one stage to another in the blink of an eye and before you know it you are looking at a toddler. He is eating very well and I am still nursing and bottle feeding every 3 hours or so. He is alert, bright-eyed and good natured. About two hours after he has a little gas and cries a little bit bit as soon as it is gone he's back to normal. He only cries when he's dirty, hungry or has gas. He sleeps most of the day and is starting to spend more time up in the evening. Actually, it's the same time he was the most active when I was pregnant. He is the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. I think he is going to be trouble when he gets old enough to get his heart broken. It going to be trouble at the Mader house with these two. I guess I can live with that. :)
Landry has been a really good big sister. She always wants to show her brother off and she always wants to know where he is. She is a great helper wanting to help feed him or give him his paci. She has been pretty temperamental with me lately but I know that it's because she is struggling with a little jealousy. She isn't the only two year old that's ever lived through a new baby brother. I know she'll survive but will I?!
have the luxury of ever having. I know that each minute she spends with them is filled with love and memories. I get sad sometimes when I think of all the things that my mother is missing in seeing my children grow up. I know she would have loved sharing these moments too. I believe that in some small way that she helped put the Barnharts in my life so that we have someone here to call family. If she had a hand in it in any way, she couldn't have done better. If I don't thank you enough, David and Jadeen- you are the best grandparents I could have ever asked for my children. We love you!
Who Woulda Thunk It?!
Anyone who knows me has always thought of me as a girls mama. I love little boys but have never thought of myself as a Mama of boys. Now I know plenty of my friends that couldn't imagine their lives with girls. The drama, the frills, the excess of it all. Nope, they like the simple life a boy gives them. I don't know why I thought of myself as soley Girl mama but those days are long behind me. I just wasn't convinced that I could love another child like I did Landry. I heard all throughout my pregnancy that I would but I just couldn't wrap my head around the notion of my heart expanding that much more. I stand corrected. My beautiful son in all of his two weeks of age had taught me yet another lesson about myself. The kind of lessons that only children can teach you. The kind of lesson that normally only happens when you or they are least expecting it or looking for it. I look at this sweet baby boy and think 'WOW, how could I have ever questioned this love' or 'I can't believe I have been missing out on this motherhood business for so long!' I know most of my friends have children much older than mine and most are long past the stage of sleepless nights, constant feedings, diaper after diaper after diaper days and loads of laundry but I am having the time of my life. I have lived the American dream and I try not to let it get too far away from me that that isn't how this life started for me. I am so grateful that I can give my children a life better than I had and certainly better than the one I started out with. I have had my fair share of hardships, heartbreaks and failures but I know that I am a better human being for having lived through them all and still giving the glory to God for the grace and blessings I have been given.
Cohen's 1st visit to the Pediatrician
We headed to see Dr. Sethi for Cohen's 1st doctor visit. We were skating right along and all of the sudden she let us know that she saw a sacral dimple and wanted to have an ultra sound done on it. I immediately went limp not knowing what her concerns were. She told us what indicators that a sacral dimple could be and when she said spina bifida I went straight in to panic mode. I started praying immediately that he would be ok. I started questioning all of the things I did or didn't do during this pregnancy. I am in pretty good shape, have a decent diet and wouldn't do anything to ever put my baby in jeopardy but I found myself still reliving each one of those 38 weeks. We as mothers, punish ourselves emotionally and mentally when it comes to the way our children are formed or created. We take the complete and total responsibility on how our children turn out...from the time they arrive till we die. It's just what we do. I insisted that we get an appointment that day if at all possible. It was a Friday mid morning so I was thinking that it wasn't going to happen but we got one. We went straight to UMC and had an ultrasound done on his spine and thankfully it came back negative. Thanks to my iPhone, I did a lot of research in a short amount of time between the doctors office and the hospital. We felt very comfortable with his diagnosis and everything looks fine. I almost hit my knees when I got the report! It was one of those moments that will literally take your breath away.
He is back up to 8lbs 7 ounces and has already grown a half of an inch. He sleeps ALOT but I know he is just getting rested up to give his sister a run for her money. It was a long, exhausting morning but I am thankful for the outcome and if I take anything out of this, I will remember (yet again) that 1). God doesn't give you more than you can handle and 2). I need to be ever mindful of the things that are important...my God, my family and my friends.
d as I have become or as proud as I have been with these guys gifted guys and girls. So far we are way ahead in the medal count and for the most part our athletes have represented our country honorably and proudly. I am just grateful that we are not in an area that has this much snow because knowing Landry as she is now she would be all over the Super G or the Skeleton or one of those crazy fast sports. 
last long but the effort is there. She is always walking up to him and almost puts her hands on him and says 'Tickle Tickle Tickle!' She shows everyone that comes over who her baby BRODDER
is. It is very sweet and I couldn't be more proud of how she has handled the change. The funniest thing is that before he was born, she was getting very weary of drinking her milk. All she wanted was juice and I had to make her drink at least a cup in the morning before she could have any thing else. Well ever since Cohen was born, she has asked for milk every day and also during the middle of the day. The only thing that grosses me out is that she still likes her milk warm. Actually, she calls it 'Hot Milk'. YUCK!
thrill of it all. They ate lunch together last week but this week he had other plans fo
r his little girl. I had mentioned that I wanted to take her to Build-a-Bear to get another outfit for Sophie Bear so he decided to take her there. This is what they came home with instead. We named her Shammy and she is complete with a sassy cocktail dress and some sparkly gold shoes. Mike said she REALLY wanted it and while I wasn't sure about the $36 he spent in there, I sure was happy about the memory they created together. They saw this Daddy a mile away! Cha-Ching!
g things that might get in their way of fun. She threw snowballs and helped gather snow for the snowman. She just loved it. The funny thing was when the snow started to melt and the snow man fell over her daddy told her that it was a 'sleepy snowman' and for days after than, she would look at these piles of fallen snowmen and say 'AAWWWW. Sleeeeepy snowman!' She is a hoot. Cohen.... he never knew a flake hit the ground.
Jaundice haunts us again!
We took Cohen to his two day post hospital visit and discovered that he has a touch of jaundice. He wasn't as bad as Landry was when she was born because we immediately started supplementing him from birth. It has always been my desire to nurse my children but I just don't produce enough milk to satisfy them so I am forced to give them formula too. Fortunately, it wasn't bad enough to require a bili-blanket and we were thankful.
t bath at all. I remember crying when Landry took her first bath because she was so upset by it. She cried her first real cry when I washed her down and it sounded like I was just hurting her. This time, I have toughened up quite a bit and didn't get so emotional about it. I think motherhood does that to you. It prepares you
for all of the ups and downs and lessons the 'tragedies' with each incident and child. They always say that the 5 second rule grows every time you have a kid. I know how tough my girl is so Cohen may never have a chance to be babied! He is going to be a tough guy because his sister won't let him be any thing else. He has a lot of catching up to do if he wants to keep up with her.WHO DAT!
It is Super Bowl Sunday and nothing was good enough but for my sweet husband to bring in a larger, much nicer TV from home to watch our Saints win the biggest game of the year. Seriously, he brought in a 32 inch TV and even bought another antenna to watch th
e game from the comforts of the hospital bed. Everyone that came in was in AWE of him doing this. He garnered lots of kudos and high fives for this act of kindness for his bedridden wife. It was a great win and a true victory for the city of New Orleans. I couldn't have been happier for them and it was really a great night for us. Plus, the kitchen in the hospital made some of the best homemade macaroni and cheese that I have ever had. I even called the kitchen to find out where it came from. It was so good....and I got the secret ingredient from the nice lady on the other end of the phone. :)
I have to give some serious props to all of the staff at Women's Hospital. There wasn't a need or a want that wasn't taken care of and I applaud the level of care that we all received there. My son is so incredibly beautiful. I cannot take my eyes off of him. I found another level of love and it is mighty sweet. Here he is with the hat I knitted him just 12 hours before he arrived. The knitting gods must have known something was up!
Cohen Mader 02.05.10 from Jeanelle Caraway on Vimeo.
date on the 11th. I called the 
doctors office at 6:3o am and I was told to show up at 8:30 to see Dr. Bush when the clinic opened. I went in to panic mode trying to finish up getting my bags packed and Landry packed up just in case. I immediately called MoMo and Pa Pa to let them know that we might be needing them and they hopped in the car and were ther
e before we were. Angels wings are hiding under their shirts...I just know it. We got into see Dr. Bush and he checked me and sent me on to the hospital to be monitored. He wouldn't commit to delivering me that day but no sooner had we arrived and got me hooked up had a nurse poked her head in my room and said that he would be there at noon to deliver me. Immediately, a rush of emotions took over and I looked at Mike and said this is it. We had been deliberating on whether or not I was going to get a tuba ligation while we there knowing that we would not be having any more children. We were literally in the operating room and I was lying on the table signing the papers. It was a good decision and I a
m glad we did it. It is a little emotional because it is so permanent but it made the most sense for me to have it done while he was in there. The two hours seemed to fly by as the nurses came in and out prepping me for my scheduled Cesarean section. I made a few calls to
let everyone know that I was going to soon be delivering my first and only son. Wow! Me the mama of a boy....it still makes me shake my head. As they wheeled me back I thought about how much our lives were going to change. The change that Landry was going to go through made me a little sad for her and the confusion that will follow but happy that she will not be left alone in this world when we are not here any longer. I have always thought that 3 or 4 children was the perfect number. I got my 3 but not in the way I thought I would. Landry is going to be a great big sister once she figures out what her roll is and where her place is. This is it...the last minute of the world as we have known it since she got here. Good things are just around the corner. I can feel it.
will ever hear. If you have ever lost a child before they were born, you live for the moment you hear that sound. All of the 'I love you's' in the world can't rival that because it was like Jesus saying I loved you so much I would die for you all over again. The next time you hear a new born baby's first cry, think about that. I have
thought about it ever since March 12th when I know before then, I took it for granted. Cohen Michael Mader entered the world on February 5th at 12:27 pm. He was a whopping 8 pounds 10 ounces and 21 inches long! No wonder I was so uncomfortable! He looked just like Landry and had a head full of dark brown hair. I was able to see him for a few minutes, and then he was carted off to be cleaned up and his Daddy whisked him away to be greeted by his sister and Godparents. I stayed in surgery for a little while longer and found myself in a recovery area and then moved to my room. Landry was going to spend a few days with MoMo and PaPa and we got settled in. I couldn't wait to get my hands on him and check over every square inch of him. Upon a very thorough inspection, he is perfect. He has the prettiest skin and sweetest little face. I am in love....all over again. 
I get to know you, my sweet son and hopefully you will know just how I feel about you in the upcoming posts. I have always been told the that love between a son and a Mother was different. I didn't really buy into that until I heard your first cry and then I knew exactly what everyone was trying to tell me was the gospel truth. I love you both equally but there is something so unique and beautiful about each one of you. I am a huge fan of experiencing it first hand. Thank you for showing me yet another kind of love....I am totally smitten.
Not So Extreme Makeover
The nesting bug has bitten. I have hired someone to come in and reorganize my entire kitchen and help me with the baby's room. She took everything out of all my cabinets, wiped them down and put every thing back in an orderly, more organized manner. WHEW! What a relief! I know it sounds pretty pathetic but I was getting so panicked with the thought of my family coming and my house being in total disarray. My house is far from being in the shape it needs to be but it has a dent put in it. I hope that I can get more done before the little guy gets here!
ing a mother to a son. I have never thought of myself as a boy mama but I am finding myself more and more in love with this being inside me. He already has a hold on my heart that is different than Landry's. She is all I ever dreamed of and I hope and pray that he is just a fraction of the child that she is. I know that she has answered the prayers that I didn't even know I prayed. God is good like that. I know that we are soon to be on a roller coaster that we never dreamed of but I have been loving the ride so far. Parenthood is not what I expected...it is so much greater than you could ever give God credit for until you live it. I know that our lives will be full of great joys and great disappointments. It comes with the territory but I don't want to rush it. I want to relish in every single moment that we are blessed with. When you lose a child, it is much easier to remember the small things and how truly special each and every day is....even the ones that are hard, long and sometimes just plain miserable. I can always seem to eek out something good in them especially if they involve a child falling asleep with the peace and tranquility that they are safe, loved and wanted. What more could you give your children? I make this promise to you little boy, I will love you for all the days of your life and give you everything that I am, have and desire for you to the best of my ability. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes and I hope and pray that I am strong enough to say I am sorry when I should and to stand firm when I have to. I already know that you make me a better mother just like your sisters have. Thank you for giving me an immeasurable gift, my sweet son. I cannot wait to meet you.
