Chompers!
Guess who has 6 teeth now!! Cohen is expanding his eating options now with the addition of two more teeth. He started eating Cheerios and loves the new textures. That boy can put away some groceries!!

Holla!
Landry standing outside Mike's office door: Daaaaaaddddddy!! --pause-- DAADDDDDYYYYYY!!!---pause---DADDDDDDDDDYYYY!!!!!!!
pause---pause--
Miiikkkkkkke!!! Hey MIIIIKKKKKE!!!

She is so darn funny sometimes!

Goat Roast
There are certain days that I love love love being a Philipian and today was one of those days. It was the 29th annual Goat Roast and Blue Grass Mass and it was a truly great day. The music was wonderful as always with tunes from the Vernon Brothers Band but what really got me today was a solo by James Martin. He is one of the most incredible singers I have ever heard and I was moved by his performance today. I just clapped and cheered him on during his standing ovation. I cried along side Julie Crump because for a moment we knew we both felt the presence of our children in that room. I could feel her little body almost in my arms as I was listening to him sing about being free. I tear up now thinking about it. The Mader babies were in the best moods and had such a great time out there. I even made Cohen a t shirt to match ours because I couldn't let him be left out!

My sweet sweet boy....
Who knew that those boys were so darn sweet!? I melt when I see that sweet little face smiling back at me. I can send him into a fit of laughter just by giving him the 'tickle bugs' sign. I just love it. I was around a little 2 month old the other day and while I miss my little Cohen at that age I am really enjoying this interactive, engaged stage that he is in. Landry is a little jealous these days and shows her muscle when it comes to claiming her territory on her toys. She is such a giving, compliant child most of the time. Cohen has just tested the limits of her two year old patience.

I love, love being the mother of these two babies. I miss my Sophie every single day and it makes me so sad to think about what I am missing with her. I got really choked up the other day when I saw this video of a little boy who had Down Syndrome that scored a touchdown on his football team. I was so touched knowing that all of these people allowed this special child to have a moment that he will never forget. It was a great lesson to those who were a part of it but it was also a lesson to those who witnessed it. I just pray that every special needs child out there has that moment of victory in their lives at some point. I always wonder what kind of mother I would have been to a child with special needs. I know that she would have been well taken care of and that she would have been loved. I am so grateful that she is with God and that I don't EVER have to worry about her. If I wasn't a believer I really don't know what I would do. I couldn't imagine the pain I would still be in if it weren't for my faith. IT sustains me and keeps me sane until the day we will reunite again. With that comfort I can raise those sweet babies I have here and know that there will be a beautiful eternity waiting for me one day. I really didn't mean to get all teary writing this post but I do miss my girl...as much as I love Landry and Cohen I cannot help but to feel a sense of emptiness when it comes to Sophie. She made me a mommy first and that place will never be taken from her.

Sister
Landry and I were having a discussion about relationships and who is your brother and who is your mommy, blah blah blah. When I asked who her brother was she said Cohen and I said 'And you are his sister'. She said no I'm not!!'. She was very adamant about it and kept saying it with a pretty strong conviction. Finally, she said 'Sophie is my sister!! Not Cohen!' I forget that for her entire life that we have let her know that Sophie is her sister and that she lives with Jesus. She gets it...in whatever way she can, she gets it. I forget how unbelievably smart she is and how those wheels turn all the time. Landry can spell her name and and recognize and knows all of her letters. She will spell anything that is in front of her. For a two
and half year old I find it amazing. We do word problem every day and she will get the answer right no matter what it takes. Lately though, she gets a kick out of telling me the wrong answer to questions she clearly knows the answer to. I can tell you this, Cohen has a LOT of catching up to do if he is going to keep up with her. She is truly an amazing child.

Booty Dance
So we're listening to Jesus loves the Little Children(the funky version) on a cd and Landry says in pure excitement 'Look Mommy! I'm doing the booty dance!' I asked her who taught her that and she exclaimed 'My Daddy did!' and kept on groovin'.

Tougher than Nails

Well, today was the day of all days in Maderville. I woke up to a child with a 104 fever and it didn't slow down from there. I got both of the kids ready and dropped Landry off at her friend Gabbys house and took Cohen immediately to the doctor. Unfortunately. it was viral so it just had to run its course. He was a little grumpy and teething on top of that so it was super fun to be stuck indoors all day long....{eye roll}. Landry was none too happy when I came to pick her up. She wanted to play a little longer with her bestie so bringing her home with a sick little brother was not her favorite option. His fever finally leveled off at 101 for the day and back to normal by the end of the day. The helplessness that a mother feels when your child is sick isn't something that you can prepare yourself or ignore. You've gotta tighten up those boot straps and let the mommy kick into gear. At the very end of the night my friend Tracy was over for a visit and all of the sudden we look over and Landry has the pained yet horrified look all over her little face. I asked her what happened and she almost couldn't even speak. After I saw the blood and that her toe nail was HANGING on by a THREAD I almost passed out myself. I passed Cohen off to Tracy and picked her up to analyze the situation. Within a minute she told me that she BIT IT OFF. Yep...you read right. I am so sad to admit this now as a 39 year old woman but it was the same thing I used to do when I was her age. I just didn't happen to draw blood when I did it! When it stopped bleeding I put her in the tub to wash it out so I doctor it up. I was told that I needed to cut off as much as I could. I didn't like my odds of letting her go along with it but when I told her that needed her to be a strong brave girl and that I had a SUCKER that it was going to be ok. Sure enough, not even a flinch. When I mentioned to Tracy that I didn't think she was going to let me cut any more she gently laid her little hands on my shoulders and said 'Mommy, you can cut more off if you want to. I'll be brave.' Out of all the things that could have gotten to me that day, THIS was the thing that almost took me over the edge. Sure enough she never cried even when I wanted to. bleh!!!

I am so proud of her and her ability to go along with most any situation. I just feel sorry for any boy that comes her way in the future because she is going to give them a run for their money.

Did I mention that Mike also left for a 4 day golf trip too. Single mothers are TOUGH!!

Home
Landry and I were having a conversation to day about our house and she was telling me how much 'she loved her home'. I asked her what her favorite thing about her home. While she pondered over it I asked if it was her toys..and she said Nooooooo. I asked her if it was her pretty purple bedroom...and she said Nooooooo. I asked her if it was Daddy's big TV that she gets to watch Dora on....she said Nooooooo. I asked her again why she loved her house so much and she said 'It's because my family lives here in it!' My two year old continues to teach me lessons every day. What a blessing that sweet moment was.

Legs
That boy of mine sure is getting adventurous these days. At 7 months he is pulling himself to a full standing position and is just dying to let go. He has the wobbles still so hopefully it won't be any time soon but I have a feeling it will be in the next month or by the time he is 9 months for sure. UGH!! Would ya just slow down kid and let your mama enjoy and savor this time with you? Oh what a joy that little boy is. He is smiling all the time now and he is a pretty content little guy most of the day. He is STILL not a good napper but he sleeps about 10 hours a night. takes a bottle and goes back down for another 2 so who am I to complain. He is busting out his 4th tooth now and he is the sweetest, cutest thing a mama could ever ask for. To all of those mamas out there with cute little girls: 14 or 15 years from now DO NOT LET THEM BREAK MY SONS HEART OR I WILL FIGHT. Just keepin' it real. ;)
I decided that Landry was up for a new challenge this past weekend so at 2 years old she has learned the Pledge of Allegiance. video coming soon.... It is so sweet coming from her little mouth and with her hands on her heart. MELTS ME!
I don't know what is up with her the last month or so but she has taken to biting her nails....GROSS!! I have tried everything you can try with a two year old but nothing seems to work. I even caught her biting her toenails a time or two. The funny thing about that is that I have a picture of me at her age sitting under my little table biting away at toenails too. My older sister Robin just laughed when I told her that I was having a problem with it. Kharma....it always comes back for a visit.
So far our new interim priest is really working out well and we all really like her. The plus plus is that she is a Bama fan. Speaking of Bama, we have started the season off well at 2-0. I love this time of year. Football is such a big part of our life and we absolutely love it around here. I love to hear Landry say ROLL TIDE!!

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A New Chapter
Today we went to Wednesday night supper despite my not feeling well at all. I wasn't going to go but Landry came up to me upon realizing I was going to stay at home and she said 'I want my family to go--everybody, Mommy.' What do you say to that?! So I got dressed real quick and we took off. I really wanted to go any way because our new interim Priest was going to be there with her family and I wanted to introduce myself to her. I have heard some great things about her and she comes with great enthusiasm to us. It is a new chapter in our parish life at St. Philip's but I truly feel at ease with the change. I am still deeply wounded over the whole situation with Tom but I know that we will be better for it in the long run. My hope is that we can grow our childrens Christian education program and that will more than likely include me taking an active role in it. More than anything I want my children to grow to love Jesus and truly understand His grace and love for us. I want to be just like Him because she wants to be like me.....

Ridiculous
Today Landry and I were having a power struggle over who was going to pick up her toys. I told her that if she didn't pick them up (after asking about 4 times) that I would put them in the trash. She looked at me and said. 'OK...put them in the trash.' No tears, no emotion...nothing. I was like DANG IT! What am I going to do now! I said 'OK, do you really want me to put them in the trash?' and she said 'YES! In. The. Trash!' and started crying. I said 'Landry, you are being ridiculous!' Through her tears she said ' Mommy, what does ridiculous mean?!!' I started laughing uncontrollably and all of the sudden she did too. It was just a hilarious moment that started out badly and ended up in a fit of laughter. I wish all unpleasant moments could end that way cause Lord knows we're going to have our share of them in the coming years. The good part...she picked up her toys and put them away and hugged and kissed me to boot!

Little treasures
I was doing word problems(don't laugh--she loves it)with Landry and I asked her if our family went to get ice cream how many ice cream cones would we need? She started counting on her fingers and said 'One for Mommy, one for me, and Daddy, and Cohen and don't get about Sophie Mommy! Oh, and Bella too!!' Oh my heart melts when you remember your sister. Even if it's in the simplist, most innocent of ways. You made my heart melt, Landry and gave me such a happy moment. Her final answer was 6 purple ice cream cones. Mader....family of 6.

Katrina -revisited
5 years ago today we experienced what I hope will be a once in a lifetime catastrophe. It was a hurricane called Katrina and it will forever be a milestone in my life of unfavored memories. I had just found out I was pregnant and no one knew but Mike. I apparently got pregnant the day after we got home from our honeymoon and was in the middle of the worst nausea of my life. I was a newlywed and just getting used to living with Mike and needless to say it was an adjustment. I remember how scared I was and, of course, how helpless I felt during the storm. I worried for my family in Mobile and friends peppered along the coast. We had no idea what was to come. The days immediately following the storm I spent at the coliseum in downtown Jackson. I spent 7-8 hours a day there for 6 days straight volunteering and helping any way I could. It was the main headquarters for all of the evacuees coming in from the coast. I won't ever forget the look on the peoples faces stunned and not knowing what their fate was. It was life changing not only for them but for me as well. I got disgusted at the people that showed up just to get free food or whatever else they could get. It was disheartening. I continued to do what I could but the further I got into my pregnancy I had to back off and finally quit all together. It was too much on me and not knowing at the time how well I (don't) do pregnancy I finally had hit my limit. Fortunately, we were only without power for about 3 or 4 days and we had no significant damage to our property. I think about that time now and it seems like a life time ago. For me it was 3 babies, 7 cars, 3 houses, countless funerals and even more births. The gauge in which we measure time just can't keep up with the things that have happened over the last 5 years. I know my faith has been tested and certainly has grown but I still have a long way to go to be the Christian, wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter and person I long to be. One day with HIS help......I'll get there.

I just discovered Cohen just cut another tooth on top! Bless his little aching mouth heart!

Landry(age 2) just walked in with one of my bras held to her chest and said 'Mommy, is this for nipples?'. I about died laughing!! What do you say to that?!

Upstate New York

I have to give props to my hardworking husband for having the number 1 district in the region for his company. That was rewarded by him being able to take his entire team and their spouses on a weekend trip to New York. The Sagamore was a beautiful property and we really got treated to to some great weather, food, fishing, spa and fellowship. We had a great time bonding with his team mates and I think he really outdid himself in getting everything put together. I hated to leave my kids for such a long time (5 nights) but the trip was needed and well deserved on Mike's part. They were in the best of hands, of course, at the Barnharts house and Landry didn't want to come home when I went to pick her up. I just can't ask for better than that.BTW...I caught the first two fish on our trip and I've got pictures to prove it!

Disappointment
A few posts ago I wrote about my priest that just left our parish. In light of some new, very upsetting information, I was going to delete the whole darn post. After having reread it, I decided that the things I wrote were all true and deleting it would not change those facts. What has changed is the way I feel about the way I closed it. I am pretty hurt and angry over some of the new revelations regarding his departure and while I know it is not my place to judge I just can't help but be disappointed and even a little disgusted in him. I am allowed to say that right. This is my blog after all. I just want to grab him by the ears and say REALLY?!!! Was this all worth it?!!! But I can't.
What I can do is begin to heal with my parish family and move on. I need to find some of that GRACE that God has shown me so many times before and extend him some. Being human is hard in a Christian world but even if he doesn't seem worth it, I know HE is.

Days are long and years fly by
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and we decided that in terms of children, the most days go by slow yet the years fly by. I swear this time with Cohen is going by so fast although there are some tough days that couldn't get over soon enough. I guess it's because I know he's going to be my last baby and I am savoring every minute of his short lived infancy. I love being a mama. There just isn't enough memory in this blog to fill my emotions about how grateful I am that the Lord saw me fit to have these two precious gifts. I learned with Sophie how fragile a life is and how things can change so quickly. I don't take one second for granted. Even the ones that are filled with irritation, frustration and pure exhaustion. I look at my friends who are telling their children good by to kindergarten, high school and the out of the next to college and think 'WOW! That will be me tomorrow if these next 18 years go as fast as the last two and half.'
Cohen has decided to start Army crawling and boy can he scoot! He really just started inching around two days ago and now he can motor along any where he wants to go. The days...may have just gotten even longer! I am getting ready to do a full shakedown of this house and Cohen proof it. I didn't have to do too much with Landry because she never put anything in her mouth and rarely messed with anything after we told her no once....twice max. I don't think Cohen is going to afford the same luxuries but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His Daddy is not so optimistic. I will post a video on his travels soon.
Last night we went to Belhaven's Bright Lights Festival. There was lots of great music, vendors and children's activities. Landry really had a big time. She took a little spill from dancing so hard and skinned her nose up a little but she recovered quickly and was back at it in no time. Even Cohen got in to the music and that little cutie was dancing up a storm to some Blue grass/Zydeco music. It was a hoot. The weather ended up being pretty nice and we really had a nice family outing.

Cohen - 6 month check up
Today we had to take Cohen to see Dr. Sethi for his 6 month check up. This is a summary of his stats up til now.
Length
Birth -21 inches
2 weeks - 21.5 inches
2 months - 24 inches
4.5 months -27 inches
6 months - 28.5 inches (96.04%)
Not bad for a half Asian baby!

Weight
Birth - 8 lbs 10 oz.
2 weeks - 8.5 lbs
2 months - 13 lbs
4.5 months- 18 lbs
6 months - 20 lbs (84%)

Head circumference
2 weeks - 14.37 inches (37.01%)
2 months - 15.94 inches
4.5 months - 17.42 inches
6 months - 17.91 inches (89.61%)

He is eating real food now in addition to his 4 bottles a day. He has been sleeping through the night since he was 3 months old and usually sleeps at least 10-11 hours a night. What a dream! I have the two best sleepers I could ever dream of. They both go down at 8pm and (God willing) they sleep until at least 6:30. Cohen is, HOWEVER, the king of the 20 minute nap during the day. He likes to catnap during the day but I have been pretty diligent about putting him down when Landry goes down. He is also cutting his first two teeth and stays in pain with them. They started coming through on the 4th of July and the second came within two weeks of the first one. I sure hope they're as pretty as Landry's teeth are. Despite being in the STABBIN' CABIN today he was in a pretty good mood for most of the day. He was a little trooper in there but it still hurt him. Made me sad to see him cry like that. All in all it was a good day for him. He is the picture of health and thankfully right on track. Thank you, Jesus, for these healthy, happy babies. I am so grateful these blessings you have given me. I hope that I am serving you in a way that honors you by raising these children in a loving, safe and happy Christian home.

Change
The first time I ever walked in to St. Philip's I knew there was something special about it. I never felt at home in a church in all of my life like I had this one and knew that this was the place for me. It was December of 1998 and I knew that my life was going to become more centered around God. I was on a mission to be come more Christlike and have my faith become more a part of my every day life. I knew that the path I had been walking wasn't going in the direction I wanted and I was desperately seeking something bigger and better than what I had. We walked in on a casual Sunday night and it just felt right. I have spent countless hours within the confines of those buildings and feel like I have contributed in many ways. I have volunteered for just about every committee and donated to every cause. I rarely miss a Sunday and while that alone doesn't make me a (good)Christian, I know that I have grown in many ways just by being a part of the ministry there. I was confirmed there, divorced there, married there(again), sponsored my husband to be confirmed there, buried a child there, Christened two children there and built a playground in memory of my firstborn. Yes, I'd say I feel very much a thread in the fabric that is St. Philip's. The whole reason we even visited there was because I was new in town and I was determined to go to church that Sunday come hell or high water. We couldn't find the Catholic church so we whipped in to something 'close enough'. God just makes miracles happen that way. He put one obstacle in my way so I could find the better path. There were a few reasons I felt at home. One was because I was invited to take the sacrament of His body and blood at the altar. I hadn't been able to do that in quite sometime because I hadn't been confirmed at the Catholic church we went to. Since I felt that was a little hypocritical and discriminatory I rarely went to church at all. The other reason was because this nice young couple with the cutest 6 month old came up and immediately introduced themselves to us and we became fast friends. We are still friends today although we live many states away. The third and most important reason we stayed was because of the priest at the altar. He had this kind, genuine message that seemed to speak to me. I wish I could tell you what he said that night but I guess and more importantly was the way I felt when I left. I felt like I belonged for the first time ever in the walls of a church. What a day of all days it was for me! I never looked anywhere else and I got confirmed that Easter. I went to Cursillo and really immersed myself in to this Parish life. It was great! Over the years we have seen some people come and go. Some babies be born and some people die. People marry...people divorce. I know that the cycle of life is what it is but never had I imagined that less than a year after I married my husband that I would be sitting in that same front row burying my first born child. It is still too much for words. The same priest was there for all of those milestones....the most devastating days of my life and the most joyous occasions. Tom was always standing at the altar doing his thing. He is moving on to new challenges and places and he will be missed. I know this is the right thing for him and quite possible us as a parish but I he holds a special place in my heart and always will. Thank you, Tom, for 15 years of service and specifically 12.5 to me. I will miss you and hope that you are blessed in all of your future endeavors.

Forgiveness
I have to first start out but saying I'm sorry to Cohen. I had such great intentions of keeping up with this blog in the same fashion I did for your sister and I haven't. I have failed miserably in doing so but today is a new day and I am going to forgive myself and hope that you won't feel slighted as you read through this one day. All that being said, this is going to be one VERY long post because I have a lot to catch up on.
I don't even know where to begin so I'll just start with yesterday. You turned 6 months old and you are the perfect blend of boy. Sweet, kissable, feisty and oh so lovable! I never imagined myself as being a mother of a son for some reason but you have totally changed that. I am so smitten with you and your infectious smile. You are quite the mama's boy and your face just lights up when I walk in the room. It melts me every time I see those eyes open wide with delight. You love your sister and she loves you back. I was so worried how my little princess would take to sharing us with you but she has done amazingly well. She has her moments but for the most part she has really embraced this permanent fixture in our family. You are just starting to sit up well and this new view seems to make you VERY happy. You like looking around and checking things out. When you want to know what's going on sitting down or participating in a quiet activity like eating in a restaurant will just not do for you. You were a little stinker in the restaurant yesterday and I had to hold you and walk around with you for almost the entire meal! You are 20 pounds so you are a heavy little guy. You are dead weight too so I have really been working on these muscles lately. You went to the beach for the first time in July and fortunately we brought Ashton(the greatest babysitter EVER!) and a friend of hers because it was very hot and you couldn't come out in it for very long. Landry on the other hand had a blast in the sun and pool. We went to Orange Beach to see Aunt Kelley and it was a great seeing her and Grandma & GiGi Bozeman. They are some very special people and I love them like my own family. They watched you while we were down at the pool a few times and you just ate up the attention. I was fortunate enough to be able to spend

time with my two lifetime best friends. Amy and Kelley were both there and it was just the best feeling ever to be surrounded by that much history and love. I felt so blessed to have some of my very favorite people there to spend some quality time with. SIDE NOTE: The largest oil spill in history is currently in process so there was a little oil on the beach and we weren't allowed to get in the water. I have been pretty upset about the whole thing. It affects so many facets of our lives that it's just kind of hard to wrap my head around it all. I pray for the best and for a speedy fix. As we were leaving to go home, a light came on in my minivan. I called the dealership and to make a long story short, we stayed another night (compliments of Paul Moak Honda) and ended up heading out the next day. You and your Daddy drove home and I kept Landry because my vehicle was still not fixed when it was time to go. Son, you REALLY did a number on your Daddy! You screamed bloody murder for 3 1/2 hours. You didn't stop until you got home and then you were just fine. You got home and were all smiles until you went to bed. DRAMA KING!! ;)
Teeth---you started busting your first tooth out at 5 months. It sure wreaks havoc on your attitude but I guess no one is really happy when they're teething. As soon as the main break though happens you are all smiles and a happy camper. When you're happy you're HAPPY and when you're not....boy are you not! You have the loudest cry, scream or shriek of ANY child I have ever known. You give new meaning to the word LOUD! It's almost funny how dramatic you can be. Most of all your fits are centered around your hungry belly. You are a big eater and you like your groceries. Speaking of groceries. I am making most all of your baby food like I did with Landry and we started you on food a little earlier than I wanted to but formula alone just wasn't cutting it. You love carrots, peas, prunes, pears, edamame, sweet potatoes and bananas. I love that you make big messes when you eat because it reminds me of Landry when she was little. There are so many things I see that you do like her but surprisingly enough I haven't compared you the way I thought I might. I have just been in awe at the love I have for you and for the joy you have given me in such a short amount of time. I absolutely love being the mommy of the two best babies in the world. I am so blessed to have my Buggins and my Bigs.



Landry, there is so much to say about you right now. I am continually amazed at the things you do, think and say. Each day is filled with a new wonder and a skill. Your big thing these days is puzzles from the Dollar Tree. You can fly through a 24 piece puzzle and can do a 63 piece puzzle with a little help. Your vocabulary and understanding of words and meanings is so far above your age. At two and half you blow away most 4 year-olds in just about everything you do. You can say your prayers, sing about 20 songs and you know my phone number, you whole families first and last name. Outr address is next! You know your abc's and can say several words in Spanish and Mandarin Chinese, all of your colors in English and Spansih, shapes(even hexagon, octogon and pentagon), you know the difference between any sports ball and can count to 20 in English and 10 in Spanish. YOU ARE AMAZING! The biggest milestone you have had is that you are POTTY TRAINED!!! At 2 years and 5 months you were completely potty trained all day and through the night. You are very proud of your Dora, Elmo and flower big girl panties. Your favorite treat is Skittles and MoMo treats(M&Ms) and you have only had 2 accidents to date. You are such a big girl and take such pride in your accomplishments. One of the things that you do that is so incredibly sweet is that when Cohen is crying you start singing You Are My Sunshine to him and almost immediately he will stop. He doesn't do that for anyone but you. You are so full of energy and wonder. Everything these days is fun, 'enciting', silly or NIIIICE! You speak so clearly that I rarely ever have to ask you to repeat anything at all. You make me so proud. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined the pride I have in both of my children. Your desire to learn and grow is so exciting to me as I see a truly bright future in you. Ashton aka Sha Sha has spent the summer with you and taught you so many things. She was such a blessing to have in our home this summer. I hope she will be back again next year!!
I'm going to wrap up this post now even though there are so many more things I have to talk about. I promise to do better and keep this blog up so we don't lose those memories that create our family history. I don't want you to grow up so I will cherish every moment we have along this journey. I didn't know I had such huge gaping holes in my heart until you both filled them up. I am so blessed to be your mommy.

The Color Purple

Cohen meets Grandaddy & Grandma
What a CRAZY trip! It is quite a feat getting through an airport with a toddler and an eight week old. I was so nervous about it that I forgot Landry's car seat (MOMMY of the YEAR!). I didn't realize it until I was landing in Orlando and was thinking through the process of getting them both off the plane and out to baggage claim. I panicked but thanks to modern technology I had the closest Walmart mapped on my phone before I ever got off the plane. I strapped Landry in a regular seat belt and prayed. It was only 5 miles away and we never even got on the interstate. No harm done but I sure learned my lesson. When we got there we had a very relaxing visit with Daddy and Russ. They were supposed to come visit me but his back was still hurting and he couldn't make the trip. I have made a commitment to myself and my Daddy to make sure he sees the kids as often as we can. I want to see him at least 2 or 3 times a year although that's proven to be more difficult since having Cohen. We hope to see him again before the year is out and we will drive so start praying now!!

Mother
It's been 8 years since we said good bye to you. We tried to go to your favorite restaurant like I do every year but the wait was 45 minutes(at 6 o'clock!) and that just wasn't happening with a two year old and a 6 week old! I did get a dozen of your favorite biscuits though. :) I hate that you are missing the most wonderful grandchildren you could ever ask for. I refuse to make this a sad post so I am going to end it here. I miss you...

Sophie
Today would have been Sophie's 4th birthday. Where does the time go? I swear it was just yesterday that I was in the hospital in labor. I was staring at the realization that this precious child that I had carried for over 8 months was not going to come home with me. The child that I had grown to love and know as my first born miracle was not going to look at me with needy eyes. The kind of eyes that only a newborn baby could give their mama. The one that says 'I trust that you will take care of me, protect me and love me all the days of my life.' Well sweet angel in heaven, I have done my best to protect your memory and who you would have been to the world. I am finally coming to grips with the fact that you were never meant to be here on earth for very long. You had a greater purpose than to be here. You were sent here to serve as a reminder of how much children should be loved and cherished. You were sent to me to prepare my heart for loving your brother and your sister. I think that only being able to love you from within my heart has allowed me really see what kind of mother I wanted to be. It is the greatest job I could ever have. I know that you are with me even if you aren't here with me and finally, finally....finally, I am okay with it. I don't question any more the plan that God had or has for me. I can't say it doesn't hurt anymore but I have peace now and that is something I never thought I would say. I find myself looking at a 4 year old and wondering what things we would be doing or experiencing if you were here. Your sister and brother are such a gift and I know in my heart that you had something to do with how special they are. I love that Landry gives you kisses every night after bath and how she knows who you are...even on a two year old level. I love that when we pass a cemetery(any cemetery) she immediately points and says 'Sophie in there'. I miss you in such a different way now. I miss who I never knew and the life we would have had together. I am so happy that you made me a mommy first. Watch over us and keep us safe. There is not a a day that goes by that I don't think long and lovingly about you. You taught me so many things about myself. I am grateful and blessed. Here are some pictures of our Dessert Before Dinner party I have in your honor, sweet one. I miss you beyond words.

COHEN update - 10 lbs & 4 weeks~
I decided to go have Cohen weighed yesterday to see how much he had gained since his two week appointment and that little bugger is right at 10lbs! His face is filling out and he is really starting to lose his newbie look. :( It happens so fast. Babies go from one stage to another in the blink of an eye and before you know it you are looking at a toddler. He is eating very well and I am still nursing and bottle feeding every 3 hours or so. He is alert, bright-eyed and good natured. About two hours after he has a little gas and cries a little bit bit as soon as it is gone he's back to normal. He only cries when he's dirty, hungry or has gas. He sleeps most of the day and is starting to spend more time up in the evening. Actually, it's the same time he was the most active when I was pregnant. He is the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. I think he is going to be trouble when he gets old enough to get his heart broken. It going to be trouble at the Mader house with these two. I guess I can live with that. :)

Landry has been a really good big sister. She always wants to show her brother off and she always wants to know where he is. She is a great helper wanting to help feed him or give him his paci. She has been pretty temperamental with me lately but I know that it's because she is struggling with a little jealousy. She isn't the only two year old that's ever lived through a new baby brother. I know she'll survive but will I?!

MoMo & PaPa

Landry just got back from spending a few days with MoMo and PaPa. The time she spends with them is something that I never dreamed she would have the luxury of ever having. I know that each minute she spends with them is filled with love and memories. I get sad sometimes when I think of all the things that my mother is missing in seeing my children grow up. I know she would have loved sharing these moments too. I believe that in some small way that she helped put the Barnharts in my life so that we have someone here to call family. If she had a hand in it in any way, she couldn't have done better. If I don't thank you enough, David and Jadeen- you are the best grandparents I could have ever asked for my children. We love you!

Who Woulda Thunk It?!
Anyone who knows me has always thought of me as a girls mama. I love little boys but have never thought of myself as a Mama of boys. Now I know plenty of my friends that couldn't imagine their lives with girls. The drama, the frills, the excess of it all. Nope, they like the simple life a boy gives them. I don't know why I thought of myself as soley Girl mama but those days are long behind me. I just wasn't convinced that I could love another child like I did Landry. I heard all throughout my pregnancy that I would but I just couldn't wrap my head around the notion of my heart expanding that much more. I stand corrected. My beautiful son in all of his two weeks of age had taught me yet another lesson about myself. The kind of lessons that only children can teach you. The kind of lesson that normally only happens when you or they are least expecting it or looking for it. I look at this sweet baby boy and think 'WOW, how could I have ever questioned this love' or 'I can't believe I have been missing out on this motherhood business for so long!' I know most of my friends have children much older than mine and most are long past the stage of sleepless nights, constant feedings, diaper after diaper after diaper days and loads of laundry but I am having the time of my life. I have lived the American dream and I try not to let it get too far away from me that that isn't how this life started for me. I am so grateful that I can give my children a life better than I had and certainly better than the one I started out with. I have had my fair share of hardships, heartbreaks and failures but I know that I am a better human being for having lived through them all and still giving the glory to God for the grace and blessings I have been given.

Cohen's 1st visit to the Pediatrician
We headed to see Dr. Sethi for Cohen's 1st doctor visit. We were skating right along and all of the sudden she let us know that she saw a sacral dimple and wanted to have an ultra sound done on it. I immediately went limp not knowing what her concerns were. She told us what indicators that a sacral dimple could be and when she said spina bifida I went straight in to panic mode. I started praying immediately that he would be ok. I started questioning all of the things I did or didn't do during this pregnancy. I am in pretty good shape, have a decent diet and wouldn't do anything to ever put my baby in jeopardy but I found myself still reliving each one of those 38 weeks. We as mothers, punish ourselves emotionally and mentally when it comes to the way our children are formed or created. We take the complete and total responsibility on how our children turn out...from the time they arrive till we die. It's just what we do. I insisted that we get an appointment that day if at all possible. It was a Friday mid morning so I was thinking that it wasn't going to happen but we got one. We went straight to UMC and had an ultrasound done on his spine and thankfully it came back negative. Thanks to my iPhone, I did a lot of research in a short amount of time between the doctors office and the hospital. We felt very comfortable with his diagnosis and everything looks fine. I almost hit my knees when I got the report! It was one of those moments that will literally take your breath away.
He is back up to 8lbs 7 ounces and has already grown a half of an inch. He sleeps ALOT but I know he is just getting rested up to give his sister a run for her money. It was a long, exhausting morning but I am thankful for the outcome and if I take anything out of this, I will remember (yet again) that 1). God doesn't give you more than you can handle and 2). I need to be ever mindful of the things that are important...my God, my family and my friends.

Winter Olympics

I have had a lot of time to watch the 2010 Winter Olympic games and I have to tell you, I am amazed at these athletes. I didn't think that I would be as interested as I have become or as proud as I have been with these guys gifted guys and girls. So far we are way ahead in the medal count and for the most part our athletes have represented our country honorably and proudly. I am just grateful that we are not in an area that has this much snow because knowing Landry as she is now she would be all over the Super G or the Skeleton or one of those crazy fast sports.

Landry and her Baby BRODDDER :)

Landry had done a remarkable job adjusting to Cohen. She asks for him every morning and she also wants to hold him and feed him at some point during the day. It doesn't last long but the effort is there. She is always walking up to him and almost puts her hands on him and says 'Tickle Tickle Tickle!' She shows everyone that comes over who her baby BRODDER is. It is very sweet and I couldn't be more proud of how she has handled the change. The funniest thing is that before he was born, she was getting very weary of drinking her milk. All she wanted was juice and I had to make her drink at least a cup in the morning before she could have any thing else. Well ever since Cohen was born, she has asked for milk every day and also during the middle of the day. The only thing that grosses me out is that she still likes her milk warm. Actually, she calls it 'Hot Milk'. YUCK!