Maderville

Sophie
Today would have been Sophie's 4th birthday. Where does the time go? I swear it was just yesterday that I was in the hospital in labor. I was staring at the realization that this precious child that I had carried for over 8 months was not going to come home with me. The child that I had grown to love and know as my first born miracle was not going to look at me with needy eyes. The kind of eyes that only a newborn baby could give their mama. The one that says 'I trust that you will take care of me, protect me and love me all the days of my life.' Well sweet angel in heaven, I have done my best to protect your memory and who you would have been to the world. I am finally coming to grips with the fact that you were never meant to be here on earth for very long. You had a greater purpose than to be here. You were sent here to serve as a reminder of how much children should be loved and cherished. You were sent to me to prepare my heart for loving your brother and your sister. I think that only being able to love you from within my heart has allowed me really see what kind of mother I wanted to be. It is the greatest job I could ever have. I know that you are with me even if you aren't here with me and finally, finally....finally, I am okay with it. I don't question any more the plan that God had or has for me. I can't say it doesn't hurt anymore but I have peace now and that is something I never thought I would say. I find myself looking at a 4 year old and wondering what things we would be doing or experiencing if you were here. Your sister and brother are such a gift and I know in my heart that you had something to do with how special they are. I love that Landry gives you kisses every night after bath and how she knows who you are...even on a two year old level. I love that when we pass a cemetery(any cemetery) she immediately points and says 'Sophie in there'. I miss you in such a different way now. I miss who I never knew and the life we would have had together. I am so happy that you made me a mommy first. Watch over us and keep us safe. There is not a a day that goes by that I don't think long and lovingly about you. You taught me so many things about myself. I am grateful and blessed. Here are some pictures of our Dessert Before Dinner party I have in your honor, sweet one. I miss you beyond words.